Homesickness

I'm sure there comes many a time for everyone who have moved way from their home where the distance back gets very overwhelming. Not just for people like myself who have moved to a different country - it's not always easy to just go back to your hometown either. It's not a distance based on country borders or travel time, but about so much else. For me, however, it's the physical distance.

* * *

For most of the past week we've had my dad visiting. He wanted to be here for Boy's birthday, and he had a trip with friends planned in London the weekend after, so it all worked out well. It has been great having him here. I don't get to see him anywhere near enough, as it would simply be far too expensive to travel back and forth more often. We don't even need to do anything special, just being in his company is so comforting and familiar. When I dropped him off at the train station after 6 lovely days it was very hard to say goodbye, and I was very grateful to have my little Boy to cuddle extra hard as I walked away trying to fight the tears.

I have lived in England for 5.5 years now. It's far from the first time we've said goodbye. We've also seen each other a lot since Boy was born, so it's not just that either. This time was just a lot harder, and it brought me down in the dumps a bit. I've tried to make out why it got to me as much this time, but I haven't had much luck.

* * *

Back when we were looking for a new house and it looked like we had to move out of our current home town I also looked at houses back home. Near my family. And while just the thought of moving back was very daunting, it was also very appealing. It appealed to me purely from a very selfish point of view, as I would have my family nearby, but in the end I decided that it wouldn't have been fair. Not to my husband, who doesn't speak the language (well, he speaks some and understands a fair bit more, but not to the level I speak English). It wouldn't have been fair to my son who would go from a childhood with cousins down the road and little friends nearby to a place where we don't know anyone with children his age and no "instant friends" relatives. And it wouldn't be fair on all our friends and family here who we'd be moving away from - Boy's aunts and uncles, grandparents, godparents and so many more. It just wouldn't be fair.

In fairness, I think a move home would've taken a lot of adjustment. My family isn't very big, and I've lost contact with most my friends from school. I think it would get very lonely for a long time until we settled in. The husband would've had to find a new job in a country where he doesn't speak the language. I would've had to find a new job and get Boy into a nursery. We would've made it, I know we would, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

For now I will cherish every moment I get to spend with my family. When they come to visit us and when we go to visit them. I will cherish the laughter, hugs and love, and keep counting down the days until we meet again.

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